


Yoga Is For Stretching; Not For Sex

by MoMoMomma



Category: Captain America, Iron Man - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (2012), The Incredible Hulk - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Humor, Oblivious Bruce, Sexual Humor, Unwanted Sexual Attention, Yoga
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-06
Updated: 2013-05-06
Packaged: 2017-12-10 13:34:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/786611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoMoMomma/pseuds/MoMoMomma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bruce Banner just wants to do his yoga, stretch out the muscles the Other Guy tears to pieces when he's running around, and find some peace and quiet. Which is turning out to be far more difficult than it seems.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Yoga Is For Stretching; Not For Sex

**Author's Note:**

> Based off this prompt from the kink meme:  
> Has anyone here ever tried a more physical yoga than the usual Hatha? Asthanga and Iyengar, perhaps?  
> Yeah so I want to see Bruce Banner doing a physical yoga – as a work out, not as a means of controlling himself – to keep himself in shape for all the running he does.  
> Or you know, to get out of the huge ass knots of crampy muscles he is bound to end up with what with all the physical strain his body is put through, and not just the  
> transformations there. A reaaaal good, long, workout. None of that get your pulse doing overtime – but the muscle working, limb quivering and deep tissue stretching  
> kind.  
> He isn't running at the moment but working for SHIELD certainly puts some strain on the body and the mind so Bruce gets down for the weekly session and can't seem to  
> get a moment of peace from the nosey teammates – who are either just baffled at the sight, or incredibly turned on.  
> Sex is appreciated, but not a must. If you'd like to write in something sexy; I ship Bruce with anyone from the team. I also ship Poly Avengers Team.  
> \+ If Tony was firmly of the ”Yoga is for women and old people” opinion before he was hit by this view.  
> \+ Clint comments on what a good contortionist Bruce could have been.  
> \+ Steve is either baffled or flustered, or both.  
> \+ Someone walks in and drops something in surprise.  
> \+ Bruce takes it all in a stride even though it gets sort of annoying - he's working out damnit, not stripping.

 

Clint- [Kūrmāsana](http://www.ashtangayoga.info/practice/primary-series-yoga-chikitsa/item/kurmasana/) and [Supta Kūrmāsana](http://www.ashtangayoga.info/practice/primary-series-yoga-chikitsa/item/supta-kurmasana/)

“Uhhh….hi.”

Bruce lifted his gaze a slight bit to see Clint standing there, blinking furiously at him. He exhaled slowly to bring his chin up just the slightest bit, breath catching when a knot in his lower back released at the slight change in position.

“Hello.” Bruce greeted, lowering himself back down and shifting his shoulders slightly, pointing his toes to give his calves a small break during the position.

“What….er….what are you doing?”

“Ashtanga yoga.” Bruce said with a small smile, slowly raising one of his legs, inhaling as he did so.

The moment he hooked his foot behind his head in preparation to move into the next asana, he heard Clint inhale sharply and was minutely amused before his smile fell when he brought his other leg up and the archer let out a small moan.

“Was there something I could help you with?” Bruce asked with amusement as he linked his hands behind his back, sinking into the position and feeling his muscles stretch deliciously.

“You…uh….you could’ve been a good contortionist.” Clint rasped out, before quietly excusing himself and hurrying from the gym.

His quick exit actually made Bruce unwind completely from the asana, sitting up to see Clint hurrying away through the glass doors, walking awkwardly as he, or so it seemed from behind, tried to adjust himself through his pants. Bruce shook his head and inhaled once more, stretching before getting ready to work himself back into the flow.

Honestly, Clint grew up in a circus, he was probably around _actual_ contortionists quite a bit. It seemed odd he’d be so off-put by Bruce doing similar movements. Bruce made a mental note to pick somewhere else to do his yoga tomorrow. After all, the Avengers had welcomed him with open arms, it seemed a bit rude to make one of them uncomfortable.

Even if he had no idea how he’d managed to do so.

Tony-  [Garbha Piṇḍāsana](http://www.ashtangayoga.info/practice/primary-series-yoga-chikitsa/item/garbha-pindasana/) and [Kukkuṭāsana](http://www.ashtangayoga.info/practice/primary-series-yoga-chikitsa/item/kukkutasana/)  


“Is this your new brainstorming position?”

Bruce blinked his eyes open to see Tony crouched in front of him, cradling his chin in his hands. He breathed out slowly when the distraction threatened to throw off his balance, tightening his abdomen to keep himself in the controlled position and making sure he was steady before answering.

“No, it’s Ashtanga yoga. Helps to stretch out muscles after the Other Guy abuses them.”

Tony made a face and plopped down on the floor.

“I thought yoga was for, like…women. And old people.”

Bruce rolled his eyes and brought his hand down, bracing them and rolling his neck before slowly raising himself up onto his hands into the Kukkuṭāsana. He made sure he was balanced fully before responding.

“Yoga is not a special club, though the general ‘yoga’ that everyone thinks of is actually the gentlest form and pretty good for everyone, all genders and ages.”

Tony gaped at him for a long moment before snapping his mouth shut and climbing to his feet. Bruce caught a suspicious bulge in his pants when he stood and shot him a curious look, but the billionaire was already hurrying away with some mumbled excuse.

Bruce shook his head and re-focused on his breathing. Honestly, it was yoga, not a strip-tease, it couldn’t have possibly been him that was causing this reaction.

He should have JARVIS scan for airborne pheromones…or pick another place to do yoga.

Again.

Steve- [Salamba Sarvangāsana](http://www.ashtangayoga.info/practice/the-finishing-sequence/item/salamba-sarvangasana/) and [Halāsana](http://www.ashtangayoga.info/practice/the-finishing-sequence/item/halasana/)  


The crash of something hitting the floor almost had Bruce falling out of his asana but he tightened his glutes and abs, managing to keep the position and letting his head fall back to investigate instead.

“Um…I….uh….” Steve stood there stammering in the doorway of the solarium, his sketchbook laying open and tangled at his feet.

“Is everything okay?” Bruce asked, concern furrowing his brow at the normally controlled soldier’s fumbling.

Steve coughed and bent to pick up the sketchpad, holding it in front of his hips as he surveyed Bruce’s position. Bruce inhaled once before exhaling as he brought his legs over his head, holding the position once he felt the tell-tale tightening in his hamstrings that told him he’d feel the release of the knot that had been bothering him since the Other Guy had half a building fall on his leg a few days pervious. A choked off noise had him turning his head once more, arching a brow at Steve’s beet red face.

“Captain?”

“Nothing!” Steve squeaked out, eyes tracing over his form before bouncing around the room once more.

Bruce thought about his position and bit back a sigh, rolling his eyes.

“I look like a pin up girl, right?”

Steve nodded, the flush on his face darkening to the point where Bruce was actually mildly concerned about the amount of blood in his head. He mentally sighed, uncurling from the form and standing, shaking out muscles still tense as he hadn’t finished the sequence quite yet. Bruce rolled up his yoga mat and grabbed his water bottle, inclining his head to the practically statuesque Captain as he passed, off to find somewhere else to practice.

Yet again.

He also made a mental note to have a team meeting and see where in the hell he could practice without accidentally titillating a team member.

Thor- [Upavistha Koṇāsana](http://www.ashtangayoga.info/practice/primary-series-yoga-chikitsa/item/upavishtha-konasana-b/) and [Supta Koṇāsana](http://www.ashtangayoga.info/practice/primary-series-yoga-chikitsa/item/supta-konasana/)  


“DOCTOR! I WAS NOT AWARE MIDGARD HAD SUCH FESTIVALS!”

Bruce let out a small noise of surprise and nearly toppled over backwards, holding onto the position out of sheer determination to not end up flat on his back. Once he caught his balance, and breathed out his irritation at being interrupted **again** in the sauna of all places, he turned his head to see Thor leaning back against the door of the sauna, completely visible as Bruce hadn’t turned on any of the steam.

“Festivals?” He questioned as the god crossed to plop down on a nearby bench, shoving wet hair from his face.

“Aye! Are you not preparing for the Kjønn Festival? Many times I have seen the ladies of Asgard stretch in such a way in preparation.”

Bruce blinked and used the pause of him shifting into the next asana to think over what his response should be. By the time he had almost completely flipped, holding his legs wide and sighing in relief at the stretch in his rhomboids, he had formulated a response.

“Thor, is the…festival held for a specific purpose?”

“Indeed!” Thor cried happily, coming to stand awkwardly close behind Bruce’s body, the front of his calves brushing Bruce’s back. “It is to ensure fertility for those who desire it!”

Bruce actually did lose his balance this time around, though it wasn’t so much Thor’s words as the painfully obvious erection tenting the front of his black swimming shorts. He toppled over, landing in a crouch only because he was still controlling his muscles and gaping up at the man.

“Thor! It’s yoga!”

Thor furrowed his brow, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I do not understand.”

Bruce rubbed at his face, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“It’s a method of using controlled breathing and strategic positioning to relax both body and mind.”

“Then why does it appear so sexual in nature?”

“I don’t know!” Bruce snapped, grabbing his mat and stomping from the room, calling over his shoulder at the confused blonde.

“But if you figure it out, share with the rest of the class!”

Natasha- [Ūrdhva Padmāsana](http://www.ashtangayoga.info/practice/the-finishing-sequence/item/urdhva-padmasana/) and [Piṇḍāsana](http://www.ashtangayoga.info/practice/the-finishing-sequence/item/pindasana/)  


“I’m fairly certain you’re inverting the common sitting positon.”

“Oh, for fucks sake.” Bruce swore under his breath, letting his head smack back into the floor and looking at the redhead lingering in his doorway.

He shifted his shoulders slightly, setting his hips at a more correct angle so he didn’t topple over before addressing her once more.

“I am in my room! I hid in my room so I would not get accused of being a pin-up girl, or re-enacting positions in preparation for a sex festival. And yet I still get found!”

Natasha arched one fine brow at his rant, blinking at him with an unimpressed expression. For a moment Bruce wished she’d go back to slipping away every time he snapped, but immediately felt guilty after thinking about how long it had taken her to get used to being calm around him. He inhaled and brought his knees down on the exhale, wrapping his arms around them and pressing his thighs to his cheeks, effectively cutting her out of his view.

Bruce swore he had finally found peace, had finally been able to shoo away a person who was intent on interrupting his important stretches to make sure he didn’t limp around every day in knots from the Other Guy, when Natasha spoke up once more, sounding like she was right above his head.

“I’m curious, Doctor Banner.”

“About what?” He grunted, doing his best to hold the position as it was slowly uncurling the knot in his piriformis that had been giving his sciatic nerve hell since last week.

“Have you ever tried auto-fellatio? You’re in the correct position.”

“Son of a—“ For the third time in the past week Bruce lost control, going ass over elbows, Natasha stepping away quickly to avoid getting whacked with an errant heel.

Bruce grumbled as he scooped up his things once more, heading towards the door.

“Where are you going?”

“Somewhere where I won’t get ogled at!” Bruce shouted over his shoulder, feeling minutely immature at the action but so irritated he knew if he didn’t calm down the Other Guy was going to do some damage to his room.

And he’d just finished apologizing to Tony for last time.

Coulson and Bucky- Prasārita Pādottānāsana [B](http://www.ashtangayoga.info/practice/basic-sequence-fundamental-positions/item/prasarita-padottanasana-b/) and [C](http://www.ashtangayoga.info/practice/basic-sequence-fundamental-positions/item/prasarita-padottanasana-c/)  


Bruce stalked toward the door at the end of the hall, yoga mat tucked firmly under one arm, ignoring the stares from junior SHIELD agents as he went. Once he reached the door he glanced through the glass on one side to make sure the agent was inside before rapping sharply on the door.

He pushed open the door at the curious ‘come in’, closing it behind him. Bruce faltered for a moment at the sight of Bucky Barnes, the legendary Winter Soldier who had recently been brought onto the roster of their time bomb team, lounging on the couch off to one side, holding a tablet, earbuds firmly in place, before continuing on, locking eyes with the man on the other side of the desk.

“Can I do my yoga here?”

Coulson arched a brow and tapped the end of the pen he was holding on the desk for a moment before nodding.

“Of course. Are you unable to do it at the mansion?”

“Apparently.” Bruce answered, already rolling out the mat and shucking his shirt, stretching for a few moments.

He was aware of Coulson watching him curiously as he worked his way through the warm-ups before settling into the first asana, bracing his feet wide and feeling the tug at his hip that meant he would have to seriously re-hydrate after this session.

“Ah, that’s Ashtanga yoga, isn’t it?” The agent asked curiously, and Bruce turned his head slightly to nod.

“Yes. How did you know?”

“The therapists had me do a bit of Hatha during my rehab, I got a bit curious and researched more difficult types. You have my respect, Doctor Banner, I’m fairly certain I would break if I were to try and attempt those positions.”

With the dry words Coulson went back to his paperwork, Bruce sighing at the lack of eyes and questions, working his way into the second Prasārita Pādottānāsana. He heard a slight noise before Barnes broke the comfortable silence with a snorted “nice ass, Doc.”

Only the fact that Bruce’s hands were on his hips and his entire body was tightened in controlling the position kept him from flipping off the solider, even as his mouth spread in a slow smile. It was crass and abrupt, but at least Bucky hadn’t fumbled around and, by the silence after the statement, had gone right back to watching his show.

It was only when Bruce shifted into the third asana in the set, linking his hands and stretching them out in front of him, pulling nicely on his tense shoulders, was he able to turn his head. He nearly missed a breath when he saw the sheer amount of junior agents loitering outside Coulson’s office, visible through the glass on either side of the door. Bruce rolled his eyes and nearly groaned; it was apparent he was going to get no peace.

“You’ve collected an audience, Doctor Banner. Would you like me to get rid of them?” Coulson asked from his desk and Bruce blinked, unused to having someone notice he was uncomfortable, let alone offer to fix the problem.

“That would be…nice actually, thank you.”

“Of course. Agent Barnes, if you would please?”

Bruce shifted his gaze at the sound of bare feet hitting the carpet, watching Bucky trek to the door, earbuds still in, tablet grasped in his bionic hand. The soldier tugged the door open and instantly started a stream of Russian, shouting so quickly at the junior agents it seemed almost like gibberish. As if they were fish that had spotted a shark they all scattered, Barnes making an amused sound before shutting the door and making his way back to the couch once more. Bruce fought back laughter, turning his head back to center to control his breathing after the amusing spectacle.

“Thank you. You wouldn’t mind if I came here for my yoga, would you? Seems like this is the only place I’ll ever be able to get peace and quiet.”

“Of course.” Coulson answered smoothly over-top the sounds of shuffling paper and Barnes laughing quietly at something. “You are welcome to use my office at any time. Agent Barnes certainly has no qualms about it.”

The sounds of Bucky and Coulson bickering back and forth amicably over the comment was, surprisingly, more relaxing than any nature sounds CD Bruce had picked up on the run and he let out a deep sigh, settling into his skin and the asana more deeply than he had in weeks.

Perhaps the middle of a SHIELD agent’s office wasn’t the most expected relaxing place, but Bruce would certainly take it. At least here he wouldn’t be ogled or asked invasive questions.

Though if he was being honest with himself, these two competent men still arguing quietly about the qualifications of being a good host were the only two Bruce was likely to _enjoy_ ogling him. With a wicked smile, Bruce made a mental note to wear tighter clothing next time he decided to stretch here.

Hey, he was putting all this effort into making sure his body was nice and toned in case he had to run, what was the point in not showing it off while he had the chance?

**Author's Note:**

> As someone who has done this before, I tip my hat to Bruce for being able to control himself during the asana's. The first time anyone tried to talk to me and broke my concentration I'd end up in a heap on the ground.


End file.
